Sunday, November 22, 2015

i miss the days ...

when a rainbow was just a rainbow ... and not a symbol for someone's sexual orientation.
i miss the days when ribbons were used to wrap presents ... and not proclaim support for ~ or against ~ someone.
when churches spread good news, and love, and peace, and fellowship ... and not anger, hate, or protests with threats written on signs.
i miss the days when we showed respect to our flag, to the military that fought and died for us, when we could come together as a nation to honor our heroes ... not the days of burning flags, spitting on our military, and fighting against each other until we become a nation divided.

please don't misunderstand ... i'm not a whatevertheissueistoday-phobe.

but i miss the days when people were just people
and no one had to cling to a label or a group to have an identity.
i miss the days when we were a country that was proud to call ourselves Americans and there wasn't fear of our neighbors joining subversive groups to destroy us from the inside out.

i miss the days when we were a country that was respected by others,
when we made incredible scientific discoveries, when finding a cure, or making amazing medical advancements had less to do with money, and more to do with being humane ... and human.

i miss the days when art was offered in schools, and children were encouraged to think outside the box, to sing, to act, to color, to paint, to draw, to play music, to write ... to create!
not just meet an unrealistic testing requirement that does nothing for the student, but everything for getting school funding.

i miss the days ...

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

reflective thinking ...

i just realized that i'm older than i thought i was.  historical events that i learned about in school, events that i thought happened just FOREVER ago, really didn't happen in some other century.
they happened in my lifetime

i don't know what that came as such a shock to me, but it did

it happened first when i saw something on tv that said building began on the berlin wall in 1961.  the year before i was born.  for some reason, in my mind, i put the berlin wall and ww1 in the same filing cabinet.  i just never even considered that it was built in my lifetime.  we lived in Germany from 1969 to 1972 when i was a child we lived in West Germany.  i was seven years old, and the wall was just two years older than me

the fall of the wall in 1989, just 28 years after building began, i remember that very clearly, watching it on television, crying with all the people who were reconnecting with family that they hadn't seen in almost 30 years.  i was 27, and just never even conceived the thought that the world would have been (could have been) that divided within my lifetime.  it just didn't seem possible.

the Viet Nam war started when i was three.  i grew up on the music of the 60's and again, never made the connection to the start of the war happening within my lifetime.  we left West Germany so that my dad could serve a year tour in Viet Nam to help with the mop up ops and refugee relocation camps since he was an engineer.  i was very aware of the war ending in my 'era' but not that it started.

there are actually generations now that don't even know what i'm talking about, and who may not even ever learn of those events if some political and religious factions that push for censorship have their way.  (why?  hiding it doesn't change it, it just makes it more likely that we repeat our mistakes because we didn't learn from them the first time)

this afternoon it happened again while watching the news cover a memorial service for the SS Edmund Fitzgerald which sank in Lake Superior on 10 November 1975.  i guess because of the [song], i just thought that the Fitzgerald was an old whaling ship (not that there are whales in Lake Superior ... but there could be ... small ones ... it's THAT big)

it is funny how our perception of historic events is often skewed by our own age when those events happened.

the civil rights act. the first space walk.  the first heart transplant.  first microprocessor, internet, computer, test tube baby, space shuttle, play station, space station...

when i started looking at all the firsts that have happened since i was born, the list reached a point where inventions slowed.  there have been some significant new finds, like traces of water on mars in 2004, and amazing scientific advances, like the human genome project being completed in 2003.  but when you stop and look at the other events that were given more media attention since 2004 ... the death, disease, destruction, and disasters have multiplied exponentially.  the negative far outweighs the positive.

i know that there are some who attribute these events to 'end times' and i honestly don't know if that is what it is or not.  but i have to stop and wonder if part of it is because of the focus the media puts on negative events.  have we become so saturated with the four d's that we have become immune to them?  that they no longer shock us to our moral cores and instead are so commonplace in our lives that we have come to expect them?  does the media promote the fights, the wars, the bloodshed, the tears and emotions just for ratings?  because death sells?  is that what we have become?  a world more entertained by the dead and dying, than the excitement of new species, research, cures and the living?

if these aren't the end times ... i almost wish they were.  i think when we were a world that was filled with the adventure of living we were much more human than what we have become.

Monday, July 20, 2015


when i left florida, i really left florida.  i told some people that i was going to just disappear, and they laughed, not realizing i was serious.  they didn't think i would ~ or could ~ just walk out of their lives and not look back

florida had some good memories ... but the bad memories outweighed the good, and i just reached a point where i realized something had to change

God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change
courage to change the things i can
and the wisdom to know the difference

a lot of people were surprised when i disappeared from their lives, but it wasn't personal ... or at least, it wasn't to them.  but it was to me.  a choice i had to make for change to happen.

i left a place where i had spent the biggest part of my life, and jumped feet first into the unknown.  i left everything that was familiar and came to a place ~ alone ~ where i knew no one, and no one knew me.

i got a do-over.

there are some people i think of occasionally, keep in my prayers, and hope they are well ... some people i miss talking to, and laughing with ... even some people i wish i could explain why i had to walk away, but it isn't something that is easy to explain unless you've been in the same deep hole and known that kind of darkness ... and to be honest, that is something i wouldn't wish on anyone.

life is so different now.  i'm so different.  he's so different.  there are times when he says or does something and i look at him in awe (and in love) at how much we have changed.  he tells me things no one else ever has.  ever.  things that make me feel loved more than anyone else could ever.

i once read something somewhere that the secret to a good and lasting marriage is to fall in love again every single day, over and over again, and that is what i do now.  every single day, i get to fall in love again, and it is amazing.

we got a do-over

and that is something i would wish for everyone.  the courage to change the things that you can, the wisdom to know the difference, and to fall in love again with life, every single day.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

lost ... and found ...

many weeks ago i lost an earring
one of a pair i had been wearing 24/7/365 for the past eight years
they were the last thing left from another place and time

at first, i was upset
but then i realized that sometimes losing something
is the only way something better can be found

like the words to amazing grace
i was once lost, but now i am found

when i left florida ... i felt like i was losing everything and everyone
but i realized recently, that i didn't lose anything

i let it go

i let go of the fears, the sadness, and the darkness,
i let go of the anger, the hurt, the pain, and the drama
i let go of the stress, the anxiety, and the frustration
i let go of all that was holding me back and holding me down

there were a lot of people who didn't understand
and some who never will
but letting it all go
was the only way i could move forward

i took a leap of faith

and God caught me
and He blessed me
and my life now is amazing

not because i got back what i lost
but because i got more than i imagined

because of faith
because of love
because of forgiveness

life is good
life is good
life is good

Thursday, March 5, 2015

ya know ....

things are looking UP
... winter has lasted too long when you have the following conversation ...

d:  "Is it cold outside?"
me:  "Not really.  It's 14°."

Saturday, July 19, 2014

things are looking up ...

all of the words have escaped
for the past four years, this blog has been my
and now the time has come for a new adventure
to let go of the past
to step out in faith
to hope
join me on my new journey

Now that you've cleaned up your lives by following the truth, love one another as if your lives depended on it. Your new life is not like your old life. Your old birth came from mortal sperm; your new birth comes from God’s living Word. Just think: a life conceived by God himself! That’s why the prophet said, The old life is a grass life, its beauty as short-lived as wildflowers; 
Grass dries up, flowers droop, God’s Word goes on and on forever. 
This is the Word that conceived the new life in you.
~ 1 Peter 1:22-25 ~
The Message translation

Tuesday, July 15, 2014


...the hardest part about packing for a
new future
is that you have to revisit the past.

I'm glad I'm bringing my fire pit.
There will be some cold nights to set fire to some old memories.
Closure awaits among the flames...
Image Source:

Friday, July 11, 2014

feeding our senses ...

Trooper and I walk at the beach each morning
this week he has been learning to swim in deeper water
while the tide has been high

As we wade, I watch the hermit crabs scurry to get out of the way
then suddenly stop
nope, nothing to see here just a shell I'm only a shell an empty shell an ugly shell not even worth picking up and taking home because I smell really bad too so just keep wading in the water and ignore me

Trooper, off leash, wades deeper and deeper until he is swimming
he looks to me in a panic and I reassure him that he is okay and a good boy
he swims circles going from deep water where his feet are off the bottom
to shallower water where he can touch again
gaining confidence

I reach into the water and pick up a shell, throwing it into the water beyond Trooper
wheeeeeeeeee I'm flying!
encouraging him to swim deeper still and know that he is in control

The sun is hot on my back and shoulders
and the water is cool on my feet and legs

I watch fish swimming around me
thin and pencil like fish
puffer fish
fish with bright yellow noses
a blue crab breaks cover from under the sand and swims away
waving a threatening claw at me
hey silly giant watch where you are walking!

pelicans fly in single file
pterodactyls from an earlier time
a white heron wades in shallow water along the shore
stretching his long neck to snatch an unsuspecting fish out of the water
throwing his head back, the fish slips down his throat
breakfast sushi