|Kick it back to the first post|
The reason it hits me so hard is because less than two years later, I left all those hopes and dreams in Texas and came back to Florida. [Because I was scared.]
And in reflection ... I've regretted that decision ever since.
I should have faced my fears. I should have stayed and fought. I should have conquered them.
I rang in the New  Year with a lot of hope. I had been unemployed since May 2012 and wasn't getting any financial assistance from anywhere ... except for angels and the Grace of God. Miracles. Daily. Kept the lights on and the water running. Food on the table and in the dog and cat bowls. I got a part-time job in February 2013, and finally a full-time job in September. My marriage at the beginning of this year had big question marks around it. We were separated for a year after everything was said and done. Confused. Hurting. By the Grace of God, we worked through our issues and stayed married. I was (and we still are) living in my townhouse where the notice of foreclosure eviction could be slapped on the door any day. I went eight months in 2012 without a car, walking everywhere or relying on friends and angels to get me where I needed to be ... until one of those miracles put me in a car in December 2012 ... which I just made the last payment on probably right before it gasps it's last breath. I don't know yet about the cancer ... I finally got health insurance (sort of) and will be able to see the doctor of my choice in January 2014. We are still struggling financially trying to get back on our feet. The car seems to know exactly how much is left after bills each pay day. If I hadn't gotten our FSU football game tickets in August for just $15 each, that wouldn't have been a luxury we could have afforded for our [anniversary.]
As I reflect on this past year ... and the distance between Texas and Florida ... I still wish I had stayed there, but I don't think I would have been able to see how much God works in my life ... or how blessed I am if I had stayed at that time.
The last two years have changed me. Drastically. They've broken me. Crushed me.
But I'm still here.