Monday, July 20, 2015


when i left florida, i really left florida.  i told some people that i was going to just disappear, and they laughed, not realizing i was serious.  they didn't think i would ~ or could ~ just walk out of their lives and not look back

florida had some good memories ... but the bad memories outweighed the good, and i just reached a point where i realized something had to change

God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change
courage to change the things i can
and the wisdom to know the difference

a lot of people were surprised when i disappeared from their lives, but it wasn't personal ... or at least, it wasn't to them.  but it was to me.  a choice i had to make for change to happen.

i left a place where i had spent the biggest part of my life, and jumped feet first into the unknown.  i left everything that was familiar and came to a place ~ alone ~ where i knew no one, and no one knew me.

i got a do-over.

there are some people i think of occasionally, keep in my prayers, and hope they are well ... some people i miss talking to, and laughing with ... even some people i wish i could explain why i had to walk away, but it isn't something that is easy to explain unless you've been in the same deep hole and known that kind of darkness ... and to be honest, that is something i wouldn't wish on anyone.

life is so different now.  i'm so different.  he's so different.  there are times when he says or does something and i look at him in awe (and in love) at how much we have changed.  he tells me things no one else ever has.  ever.  things that make me feel loved more than anyone else could ever.

i once read something somewhere that the secret to a good and lasting marriage is to fall in love again every single day, over and over again, and that is what i do now.  every single day, i get to fall in love again, and it is amazing.

we got a do-over

and that is something i would wish for everyone.  the courage to change the things that you can, the wisdom to know the difference, and to fall in love again with life, every single day.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

lost ... and found ...

many weeks ago i lost an earring
one of a pair i had been wearing 24/7/365 for the past eight years
they were the last thing left from another place and time

at first, i was upset
but then i realized that sometimes losing something
is the only way something better can be found

like the words to amazing grace
i was once lost, but now i am found

when i left florida ... i felt like i was losing everything and everyone
but i realized recently, that i didn't lose anything

i let it go

i let go of the fears, the sadness, and the darkness,
i let go of the anger, the hurt, the pain, and the drama
i let go of the stress, the anxiety, and the frustration
i let go of all that was holding me back and holding me down

there were a lot of people who didn't understand
and some who never will
but letting it all go
was the only way i could move forward

i took a leap of faith

and God caught me
and He blessed me
and my life now is amazing

not because i got back what i lost
but because i got more than i imagined

because of faith
because of love
because of forgiveness

life is good
life is good
life is good

Thursday, March 5, 2015

ya know ....

things are looking UP
... winter has lasted too long when you have the following conversation ...

d:  "Is it cold outside?"
me:  "Not really.  It's 14°."

Saturday, July 19, 2014

things are looking up ...

all of the words have escaped
for the past four years, this blog has been my
and now the time has come for a new adventure
to let go of the past
to step out in faith
to hope
join me on my new journey

Now that you've cleaned up your lives by following the truth, love one another as if your lives depended on it. Your new life is not like your old life. Your old birth came from mortal sperm; your new birth comes from God’s living Word. Just think: a life conceived by God himself! That’s why the prophet said, The old life is a grass life, its beauty as short-lived as wildflowers; 
Grass dries up, flowers droop, God’s Word goes on and on forever. 
This is the Word that conceived the new life in you.
~ 1 Peter 1:22-25 ~
The Message translation

Tuesday, July 15, 2014


...the hardest part about packing for a
new future
is that you have to revisit the past.

I'm glad I'm bringing my fire pit.
There will be some cold nights to set fire to some old memories.
Closure awaits among the flames...
Image Source:

Friday, July 11, 2014

feeding our senses ...

Trooper and I walk at the beach each morning
this week he has been learning to swim in deeper water
while the tide has been high

As we wade, I watch the hermit crabs scurry to get out of the way
then suddenly stop
nope, nothing to see here just a shell I'm only a shell an empty shell an ugly shell not even worth picking up and taking home because I smell really bad too so just keep wading in the water and ignore me

Trooper, off leash, wades deeper and deeper until he is swimming
he looks to me in a panic and I reassure him that he is okay and a good boy
he swims circles going from deep water where his feet are off the bottom
to shallower water where he can touch again
gaining confidence

I reach into the water and pick up a shell, throwing it into the water beyond Trooper
wheeeeeeeeee I'm flying!
encouraging him to swim deeper still and know that he is in control

The sun is hot on my back and shoulders
and the water is cool on my feet and legs

I watch fish swimming around me
thin and pencil like fish
puffer fish
fish with bright yellow noses
a blue crab breaks cover from under the sand and swims away
waving a threatening claw at me
hey silly giant watch where you are walking!

pelicans fly in single file
pterodactyls from an earlier time
a white heron wades in shallow water along the shore
stretching his long neck to snatch an unsuspecting fish out of the water
throwing his head back, the fish slips down his throat
breakfast sushi

Friday, July 4, 2014

5 minutes ... exhale



breathe in


breathe in

between the questions of "what ifs" and "what nexts" and "what nows" i remind myself to breathe.  they say a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and it is that step i am taking now.  although truth be told, i have been taking that first step since the day i was born.  i cannot count how many thousands of miles have i walked in these 52 years that have started with questions...

what if i say yes?
what if i say no?
where do i go next?
what do i do next?
what do i do now?
where do i go now?

but The One who counts my steps ... The One who answers my questions ... He has always known the answers because He has been the one to create the journey.  there is only one answer for the questions and only one step to take ... faith.


And in the same way—by our faith—the Holy Spirit helps us with our daily problems and in our praying. For we don’t even know what we should pray for nor how to pray as we should, but the Holy Spirit prays for us with such feeling that it cannot be expressed in words.
~ Romans 8:26 ~
Living Bible translation
Lisa-Jo Baker ~ Surprised by Motherhood