Friday, April 27, 2012

Sort of human...

     A thought occurred to me recently when someone I worked with made a comment about my mood lately.  She was trying to convince me to reconsider leaving my job here in Texas without having a net to fall into to keep me from smashing into nothingness when I hit the ground.

     When I told her I just couldn't stay anymore, that the stress of the job was literally going to kill me, she was surprised and said she didn't believe me.  That the strong woman she read about recently in my first book, "My Best Friends Have Hairy Legs" just wouldn't feel that way, that she (I) was stronger than that.

     But the truth is I'm not always strong.  I'm only human.  My life has reached a point of overload where I cannot continue to live this way.  I can't leap tall buildings, or run faster than a speeding bullet.

     I wondered then if I wasn't doing my readers a disservice by being honest about my ups and downs, if I should try to sugar coat my life and pretend I lived at Walgreen's in a Perfect World.  I don't know if my readers follow me looking for strength and all the right words.  I don't know if they expect me to have all the answers.

     I don't always have answers.  Some days I have more questions than answers.  Some days, I can't even think, or remember what I had for breakfast because I'm just focused on getting through the day without crying.

     I do know that there are times when I am strong.  There are days when I do have answers.  But I'm just as much a student of life as everyone else is.  I don't always pass every test.  I don't always get things right.  There are more days than not, that I find strength and answers in some one's blog, photos or words.  In the answers to the questions that they learned on a test.

     I can't be what I'm not, and right now, I'm not Wonder Woman.  I know that one day I will have strength again, but for now, I just have enough to get me back to the beach where I can draw my strength from the waves...
Margot Datz
I just MUST get this book!

2 comments:

  1. I can only speak for myself. I wouldn't believe you and would probably stop reading your blog if you did pretend to have all of the answers all of the time. Sometimes I am not certain what the right question is, let alone the right answer.
    It is your blog and your space and I think if you can't be honest here you are in trouble. Which is my two cents worth - not worth five.

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    Replies
    1. I'll add three to your two and we'll have five. I recently added to Eden's "What is a Blog" question, and I think that blogs have become the 'honest' media since we write the truth of our lives and don't have sponsors and advertisers to tell us what we like and feel. And I don't think I could ever stop being honest... there is too much to remember when you have to think of lies. I just don't want to spare the brain cells on keeping track of all that, you know?

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