Monday, May 14, 2012

Standing still in time...

     I've been in Florida now for about nine days.  In a sense, it has been like time stood still here.  In others... it has moved on... and so have I.  I have so many mixed feelings and emotions.

Released in 2011 by Disneynature
     This morning I was waiting for doctors offices to open to begin making appointments.  I watched the last part of African Cats while I was waiting.  [Spoiler alert] I found myself sobbing uncontrollably at the scene when elder lioness Layla dies after securing a safe position for her daughter, Mara, within the pride.

     I keep telling myself (and mom) that I didn't come back to Florida to die.  But the truth is... I don't know.  I'm terrified and on totally unfamiliar ground.  I've been working or in school full time (sometimes both) since I was sixteen.  To purposely put myself in a position where I am not "in control" of my life like this is out of character for me.  To admit that I don't know what tomorrow will bring... terrifying.

     I don't know what to do.  I don't know what tomorrow will bring.  There is soooooo much going on right now... so many variables in our lives... and such a huge leap of faith for me right now with everything.

     My faith has always been strong.  Always been something to help me hold on.  And I'm hanging on... hanging on...

     

3 comments:

  1. Sending so many good wishes your way. And if you need to weep, to vent, to whatever, we are here for you.

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  2. Prayers from Texas...especially to Saint Peregrine.

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  3. Thank you both. I'm sharing my Note from the Universe for today that chimed in with you...

    "No matter how things seem, Cindi, hope is near and love is present.
    In the house,
    The Universe
    Always."

    I love how that always seems to happen...

    ReplyDelete

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