Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Living in limbo...

     I keep wanting to put things back as they once were in this house that is still sort of mine for a time.  But I resist because it doesn't feel the same... doesn't look the same... and won't ever be the same.  I'm here on borrowed time, and know that the more I do now... the more I will have to do later when I have to leave this behind again for real.

     For real.

     The last several weeks have felt surreal.  I don't feel I belong here anymore, but am not really sure where I need to be.  When I was in Texas all I could think of was getting back to Florida.  Now that I'm here... something has changed.

     I have changed.  I have changed and I don't even know how yet, but I have changed.
I've been changed.

2 comments:

  1. Are you thinking of moving away from Florida again? Or just out of that house? ... It seems you are searching for "home"... but you know, it has to reside within you, no matter where you actually are.

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    Replies
    1. Most likely leaving this house, but not Florida. Home has usually been where my dogs are, and Trooper has been with me for almost 8 years now. This "house" used to be home for me, but after it was vandalized while vacant... it feels different. Like it has been contaminated in a way. Violated. I'd like to find a "home" where we all feel safe and comfortable. One where I don't have to share a wall with a nosy neighbor, or have stairs to climb (my joints aren't happy about moving back here to the stairs.)

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