Wednesday, June 13, 2012

What belongings do you wish for?

Belongings. Belong. Be. Longings.

There have been so many things in the past weeks... months... years that I have wished for.  Physical things.  Emotional things.  Spiritual things.  Material things.  

So many things I have lost in the past weeks... months... years that I wished I could get back.  Friendships.  Furniture.  Finances.  Stability.

My first thought was for all the things I've lost.

Then it was just to be.  Somewhere.  Anywhere.  To be in a place where no one knows my name.  No one knows my face.  No one knows my past.  To be able to erase who I was completely and disappear.  Wipe the slate clean.  Start over.

Mom makes me promise I won't do that.  But that promise is only with her, for as long as she lives.  After that... all promises are void.

I long to be me again.  To feel secure.  To feel comfortable.  To not feel like I have to question and doubt everyone and everything.  To not be this person who doesn't [can't] trust.  To not be this person that is afraid to open up to anyone [everyone]. 

I just want to be... left alone to heal.  To rebuild.

Belongings come and go.  I can testify to that.  I once had nice things, but no longer.  And they really don't matter anyway because in the end... you can't take them with you.  All you have are the memories, and right now... that is what I long for.  Happier memories.

6 comments:

  1. I hope you will heal and feel that you can be yourself again Cindi. As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you also.

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  2. Wow, your wish is so heartfelt and wonderful! As you wish for yourself, I wish for you also.

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  3. As Cindi wishes for herself, so I wish for her also.

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  4. Great list! As Cindi wishes for herself, so I wish for her also. ~diana

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  5. This is probably the most touching wish I've seen this week.
    As you wish for healing, so I wish for you as well.
    ~Sunfire

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  6. Beautiful Cindi! I understand you completely. Sometimes I feel like that too but I also understand I need to embrace who I am and my path and my calling in this world so there is no use in hiding as that will get you anywhere you go. As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you also.

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