Thursday, August 2, 2012

Full Sturgeon Moon


     Jamie Ridler's prompt for us this full moon of August asks what our intuition is telling us about our dreams. She has an uncanny knack for hitting the nail on the head for me when she prompts for full moons or wishcasting Wednesdays.

     The sturgeon is a large fish, and so for my answer this moon, I'm going to share the first two chapters of one of my next two books, titled "Cierra's Soul." It opens with a Native American legend about the mermaid which is a integral character in this book.

     My dreams are telling me that I need to make changes in my life to move forward, and that I do not need to be controlled by my past.
Source

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                                                                         ~ ONE ~
     Cierra could hear the men pounding on the locked front door downstairs as she quickly slipped behind the false wall of the old house and ran up the stairs to the long forgotten attic. Why the most recent owners had closed off the attic behind the wall she might never know, but for now she was grateful.
     As she heard the door crash in, followed by automatic gunfire, she looked around in the dim light for a place to hide among the dusty furniture and boxes. There was a chance ~ a small chance ~ that the false wall wouldn't be discovered by the men searching the house below for her. But it wasn't a chance she could take.
     Silently, she slid between a writing desk and an armoire to a small window at the end of the room which had been painted white so no one could see inside the attic. She slipped behind an old Victorian sofa covered with boxes and trunks. Cierra could still hear the men below her, shouting as they went from room to room, occasionally firing their guns. She shook with fear and tried not to cry out each time the gunfire startled her.
     Suddenly the voices grew louder and she heard the false wall being kicked down. She held her breath as she heard the men on the attic stairs, then silence. Sweat ran down between her breasts and along her spine as she tried to breath in the hot, dusty attic. Cierra wondered if she had left footprints in the dust and slowly eased down to the floor to look under the sofa to see if the men were waiting to see if she would stand up.
     Her eyes widened in fear as she looked across the floor. There weren't men’s legs and feet on the other side of the sofa, but what was there was even more terrifying. The heat hadn't been from the stuffiness of the closed off attic, nor had it been dust that was making it hard for her to breathe.
     Flames rose through the cracks in the floorboards of the attic, moving closer to where she now lay trapped as the dry, antique furniture caught fire like tinder wood.
     Cierra stood quickly and turned to the window behind her, trying desperately to open it, but the century old paint held fast. Panicking as she felt the heat of the flames against her back, she looked for something to use to break the glass. Suddenly she felt the floor beneath her begin to collapse.

                                                                     ~ TWO ~
      Screaming, Cierra landed on the floor, waking herself as she fought against the sheets tangled around her legs. Lying on the floor, breathing heavily and tears running into her ears, Cierra closed her eyes. She tried to remember the last time she'd been able to sleep, really sleep.
     The nightmares had been occurring for several months now, the same scenario or slightly different every single night. The one constant that never changed was the house with the false wall and hidden attic.
     In most of the nightmares she was alone, but more often now there were children in the nightmare with her. Usually it was just a girl about seven years old, but sometimes there was a boy with her, who was smaller, and maybe a year or two younger. They never said anything that she could remember when she woke up, nor did they seem familiar to her. All she knew was that protecting them seemed more important than saving herself.
     The men chasing her changed occasionally. Sometimes one man whose shadow stalked her with a knife raised over his head. More frequently it was the men with guns. In every dream, she would be found by the men and wake as they shot or stabbed her, or as in tonight's dream, as she fell. Once she had dreamt of falling out the window as she tried to escape.
     After the first month, she bought an Encyclopedia of Dreams trying to solve the mystery of why she was having the nightmares, and interpret what the images meant. What she learned worried her almost as much as the nightmares did.
     Cierra walked into the kitchen and set the hot water kettle on the top of the stove and took a box of chamomile tea from the cupboard. She took her favorite mug, one with a picture of her and her grandfather on it from when she was ten years old, down from the hook where it hung by the stove and set it on the counter. As she heard the water begin to heat, she went into the bedroom getting the dream book and a notebook off the nightstand by her bed. Sitting at the kitchen table, she wrote down the date and time, and what she could remember of the nightmare. She opened the encyclopedia and began to read.
     The house represented herself or her soul. The attic represented her intellect; hidden memories or repressed thoughts, her spirituality. But it could also mean difficulties in her life that were keeping her from attaining her goals. A cluttered attic was a sign that her mind and thoughts needed organizing, that she needed to rid herself of her past and let go of any emotions that were holding her back.
     “Easier read than done.” Cierra shook her head as she read over the words again. Let go of her past. How long had she been trying to do that? It had only been five years but it seemed her whole life she had been running from who she was… or rather who she used to be.
     Being chased in her nightmare was an indication that she was avoiding a situation that she didn’t think she could win. It was a sign of her insecurity.
     “Yeah, I’m definitely having some avoidance issues right now, like avoiding everything and everyone in my life.” She sighed heavily. Why was it that her subconscious had to nag her almost as much as her conscious at times? If she didn’t worry enough about everything when she was awake, now she had her dreams and nightmares hounding her.
     The children in her nightmares could stand for her own “inner child;” the part of herself that wanted to stay in the past, a time when life was easier and there weren’t so many things to worry about. A time when she still believed that dreams could come true. The sense that saving the children in her nightmares was more important than saving herself signified that she was trying to save a part of herself from being destroyed.
     A tear welled in her eye and Cierra blinked it away. “Where is H.G. Wells when I need him?” she thought as another tear threatened to fall. “What I would give for a time machine right now. Or even Hermione with her time spinning necklace.”
     Her fear and the fall through the attic floor symbolized a lack of control and a feeling of a lack of support in her waking life. It could also stand for some kind of major struggle or problem in her waking life and that she had failed to achieve a goal she had set.
     The fire suggested that there was destruction, purification, or transformation of her old life into a new life. New thoughts and views.
     “Like the Phoenix. I will rise from the ashes of what was. I just wish I had some clue about what will come next.”
     The men shooting at her indicated that she was experiencing some sort of confrontation in her waking life. That she felt victimized and targeted. Hiding from them was her own reluctance to deal with an issue in her life. The wall she was hiding behind in her nightmare was the obstacles she faced in her life.
     “With nightmares like these, who needs a shrink? I can analyze myself better without having to spend a fortune.” Cierra sighed again and this time let the tears fall silently onto the book pages.
     Family. They were supposed to be the ones that loved you unconditionally and would always be there for you no matter what. Whoever thought that needed to have their head examined. It had been her husband's family that had hurt them the most, and were the ones that she was trying hardest to distance herself from. Why was it that the ones we were so closely connected to seemed to believe that they could say or do anything to us and it would be swept under a rug of forgiveness just because they were family?
     As she sipped her tea, Cierra’s thoughts wandered back the time when things had not been so out of control in her life. A time when she knew who she was, what she wanted, and where she was going. A time when life seemed simple, easy, and uncomplicated.

3 comments:

  1. Truly fascinating. Thank you so much for the preview.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ooo what an interesting beginning! May you be able to let go of your past in order to move forward...

    ReplyDelete
  3. Changes is what occurred to me as I was doing mine. May all your dreams come true.

    ReplyDelete

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