Thursday, October 25, 2012

Acceptance...

     Today is "I Heart My Body" day.

     I haven't always hearted my body.  I hated to dress out in gym class when I was in school because I felt so ... less than ... the other girls.  I was usually "new kid" and so last chosen for any team sports because no one knew me.  I was an "outsider" and a "loner."  I was uncomfortable in my own skin in more ways than one.

     Eventually my personality acquired more of an extrovert aspect ... the result of being humiliated at group level by 300+ of my peers in high school.  I figured that after being laughed at by so many people [and God not answering my silent prayer for spontaneous combustion] ... how much worse could life get?

     But I still struggled for years with my self-image. I never felt I was pretty ... "enough" ... or skinny ... "enough" ... or my breasts were never big "enough."

     Many years later when I was in my late-30's, my [now-ex] husband who was beginning his own mid-life crisis decided that we needed to visit some "clothing optional" resorts.

     I panicked.

     I could barely stand to look at my own "clothing optional" body or have him see me "clothing optional" and now he wanted me to be out in public and "clothing optional?"

     But the first resort we toured [fully clothed] I noticed a woman meditating under a tree.  She had chosen "the option," had a beautiful face ... and where her breasts were, she had the scars of a double mastectomy.

     That shook me to my core ... to the core of my insecure self-image ... and I realized that I was enough.

     I never looked at my body the same way again.  Instead, I looked at it with awe, respect, reverence, and love.  I realized that my breasts were enough ... my butt was enough ... my thighs were enough ... my waist was enough. 

     I was beautiful just as I was because I was enough of all the things that God had given to me.

     It isn't what my face looks like, or what my body looks like that makes me beautiful.  It is who I am inside.  This body is just a shell and doesn't define me.


“What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition.  Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in.”  
~ 1 Peter 3:3-4 ~

     I heart my body now, at age 50, because I know that who I am ... what I am ... is so much more than just what I look like.  This is just my book cover ... it is the pages inside that matter the most.

9 comments:

  1. Amazing post.

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. It was so honest. Thank you x

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    1. Carly ~ Thank YOU for creating the forum!

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  2. Wow. I was meandering through these posts, enjoying everyone's thoughts but you have touched a personal tender point.

    I am so glad that you are enough. That is awesome and wonderful and inspiring. I believe being enough is an internal choice, but I am not there yet. Congrats!!

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    1. Thank you. I hope you find yourself to be enough soon... it is a relief to finally get to that point.

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  3. I am really, really happy that you heart your body. I also love that it was a gift given to you (indirectly) by your ex-husband.
    I don't heart mine at all. I know that this is wrong, and I also know it is truth.

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    1. Thank you. I hope that one day you do heart your body. Hugs to you.

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  4. This actually bought me to tears! Such a beautiful post, gorgeously written and embodies the very meaning of true beauty. Thank you for sharing.

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  5. Cindi, this is really beautiful. I love how one woman's acceptance of her body touched you so deeply that it changed your perspective on your own body. So many silent gifts, like this one, are given unbeknownst.

    I hope you are doing well. You have been in my thoughts lately. xo

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  6. Too true, Cindi. It's amazing how someone else and their own acceptance can help us see ourselves differently.

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