Monday, December 17, 2012

Negative space...

     I've been trying to understand why it is that we sometimes are so attracted to something that is so opposite of what we really need ... or want.  There are women I've been talking with who have been in this situation ... loving someone who turns out to be not the person we thought they were.  We all share the same feeling of still loving that person ... but recognizing that we cannot live with them.  Ending the relationship doesn't end the love.  It would be so nice to just close that door, turn around, and not feel that emptiness inside.   But it doesn't happen that way.  For all the bad times ... there were some good times ... and it is those good memories that we cling to that sometimes force us to give him another chance.  We want that feeling again.  The joy.  The laughter.  So we leave that door cracked ... or unlocked ... again and again.

     Someone looking at us ... from outside the door, outside our house ... can't comprehend why we keep leaving the door open.  We sometimes can't even comprehend it.  It is that definition of insanity ~ doing the same things over and over again, but expecting different results each time.  We drive ourselves crazy not understanding why things aren't different "this time."  Because we've believed all the promises [lies] that things have changed.  Things will be different "this time."

     We think they are our soul mate ... the Yin to our Yang.  That having them in our lives balances us.  Opposites attract, right?  That somehow, we are "meant" to be together ... they are strong where we are weak ... and we are strong where they are weak ... that they make us "whole" ... they "complete" us.

     But the reality is that we are whole without them.  We don't need them to complete us.  We can still love them ... from a distance ... but that door needs to be closed.  Not just locked, but locks changed.  When someone brings so much negative space into our lives that we lose touch with our positive space ... no matter how much you love them, things will never be "right enough" to keep that door open.  They need to reverse their own polarity ... they need to change their negativity.  Without you.  Because no matter what they say ... no matter what your heart tells you ... no matter how much you love them, or miss them...

     We are not meant to be with someone whose negativity destroys us.


  1. This is so true. I myself have a door that is not locked, but after a year, neither is it wide open. It stands ajar and sometimes it is fully closed. More and more often, fully closed.


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