Thursday, April 18, 2013

dear me ...

  i love listening to Wally in the mornings.  Way-FM is the radio station that saved my life.  literally.  this morning Wally asked "If you could send a letter to yourself back when you were growing up, what advice would you now give?"

  i've actually been thinking about this quite a bit lately.  in just over two weeks is my 51st birthday.  my 50th year was the worst year of my life.  worse than all of my divorces combined into one big ugly mess.  worse than 10 years in an abusive relationship.  worse than when my dad died.  worse than when my dogs have died.

  but it was also the best. it was better than watching six pug puppies being born.  it was better than Christmases in Germany ... in Austria ... and in Alaska.  it was better than my cat Oreo waiting two years for me to come home to him ... it was better than hearing that the cancer, for now, was gone.

  this past year i was at my lowest of lows ... and then another six feet lower ... but because it wasn't a literal six feet under, it was also the highest point in my life [so far].

  so this is the letter i would write to my younger self if there was some way to send it back in time.  it isn't filled with advice on surviving my parents' divorce [forgive them] or surviving middle school and high school [don't worry, the cheerleaders will get fat].  it isn't filled with financial advice [buy stock in Yahoo before anyone knows what it is].  it isn't filled with marriage advice [wait on love, don't rush into it].

  it's the kind of letter that if my younger self could have read it wouldn't make sense, but then as life happened, it would make all the sense in the world and save me from so much heartache.

dear cindi:
people might fail you.
God never will.
love,
me

2 comments:

  1. What a beautiful letter to yourself. From the pits of despair comes some of the shining moments in our lives-xo Diana

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  2. I am very, very sorry that people have failed you - but hope and trust that it isn't all of the people, all of the time. And while as you know I am an agnostic at best, I am glad you have your faith to sustain you.

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