Monday, July 1, 2013

templates ...

I was listening to one of several Christian radio stations I flip between in the car this morning as I was driving to my tutoring job. They were discussing a new book, The Spark by Jay and Laura Laffoon, a book about igniting the passion in your marriage.

One of the things they said was that there must be words that you take out of your marriage. Me, my, mine should become we and ours. I don't recall now exactly what was said next because when they said the book was available for free now on Kindle, I began shuffling through my backpack for a pen and paper to scribble it down. In the process, my mind wandered to another place ... and I began thinking of how we sometimes superimpose our past onto our present.

We all have templates of how our relationships should be ... or were ... and we place them over the significant others in our lives. For the most part, those templates are transparent, but sometimes they can become opaque and we find it difficult to see the real person we are with because our vision has been clouded with the memories of everyone that came before them.

As I drove, I realized that I held that template up in front of my husband, and reacted to things he said and did based on past hurts in my previous relationships. I wasn't giving him the benefit of the doubt, I wasn't trusting him, but instead was reliving those old hurts and fears.

He did the same ... because he was also holding those old templates up when he looked at me. He wasn't giving me the benefit of the doubt, or trusting me and the person I told him I was. Instead he was reliving those old hurts and fears.

Because of those opaque templates, we often struggled because we could not see through our past to see our present. We were blinded by reflections of what was before ...

I realized when I was driving this morning that for the most part, those templates have been thrown out. We've been dealing with things that neither of us have ever experienced before, things that we don't have templates for.

We are finally seeing clearly, and we are passionately in love with who we see.

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