Monday, August 19, 2013

after the sucker punches ...

  change is inevitable.  whether we want to admit it or not, at some point in our lives we all want change to happen.  we want to be tall enough to ride the big rides.  we want to go to school.  we want to get out of school.  we want to marry.  we want children.  we want our children to go to school.

  for the most part, we go through our lives adjusting to change in small steps.  we know when things are going to happen, when things will change, and we prepare ourselves for them.  the only surprise that often comes with those changes is that we realize that they weren't as bad, or as scary as we thought they would be.  buying a house is a big change that comes with a lot of stress.  but later when it is all over and you are relaxing on the sofa with your feet up admiring your empty walls and wondering what color to paint them ... you realize that it wasn't that bad, and you are so grateful for what you have.

  even those most painful of changes ... the loss of a loved one after a long illness ... the loss of a job ... the loss of a marriage ... we suddenly realize that we are on the other side of grief.  the other side of the change, and while it was just as horrible and painful as we imagined it would be ... we realize we have survived it and we quietly celebrate our survival.  we raise a glass and toast the memory, grateful that there are more days without tears than days with.

  but then there are the sucker punches.

  those changes that come suddenly, with no warning, no time to prepare.  you turn a corner and BAM life hits you right below the belt.

  the last three years, i've been trying to cope with changes ... some expected ... some unexpected.  at times i have felt overwhelmed, as if i was being sucked down into the darkness, with no sign of light.  this past year was the worst of it.  the darkness at times simply suffocating.

  i'm grateful to have survived it.  truly.  there were times when i just didn't know if i would ... or could.

  so i am writing this to let you know ~ to you, reading this in the middle of the night because you cannot sleep ~ to you, reading this in the middle of the day because you want to give up ~ to you, crying because you feel so overwhelmed and alone and don't know what to do anymore ...

  don't let go.  don't give up.

  there is life after the sucker punches.  keep believing in it.  keep reaching for it.  keep clinging to it.

  every day there is one thing to be grateful for.  every day.  that thing is you.  be grateful for you.  no matter what the darkness is telling you, believe in yourself.  wake up, be grateful, take a step, then another, then another, until the day is finished and you can rest to do it all again tomorrow.

  life is worth it.  you are worth it.


  1. I am so very, very glad that you are seeing the light in each day.

  2. Some people cope with changes by jumping in feet first saying it'll be fine, others worry themselves sick for days beforehand only to find out everything is okay after all, still others do the worrying, then after the change get all stressed in case they've done the wrong thing....
    But change is the way life goes, standing still is boring. Even a life that appears the same for decades has a few small changes.