Wednesday, August 24, 2016

morning coffee

i am awake, more than i realize
change has been coming, and i feel as if i am on the edge of it
my toes hanging over, and i bend to see what is next
balancing on the ledge of what is to see what will be
i wave my arms like they were wings and i was about to leap
from the security of the nest and fly,
but i'm only trying to keep my balance

we balance our lives at times
juggling between what we want and what we have
sometimes forced to settle into the now
created by the yesterday
and afraid of the tomorrow

i'm impatient for the morning coffee
the smell of roasted hazelnuts
making my mouth water
i go back and forth to the coffee maker
pouring each little bit in my cup as it brews

i think sometimes that is how i face life
impatient
mouth watering
taking in little bits at a time

at times i want what i had
more than i want what i have
and i'm speaking of strictly material things
as if my life was perfect when i had them
i think of things and wonder where i packed them
not believing i would have sold/given/left "that"

but i did
i did because somewhere along the times
of past changes, they became part of who i was
which was a person i no longer wanted to be

i hid my imperfections, my fears and loneliness
in those things i had, pretending life was perfect
my life was perfect because i had things

today i can say that my life isn't perfect
and that those things never made it perfect
and if given a choice between
perfect and not perfect
i would choose not perfect

because it is in those not perfect moments
of a not perfect life with not perfect things
and not perfect people
i found the truth, i found grace
i found forgiveness, i found love
i found peace




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