|Lady, the boss's dog.|
March was a hard month for me.
On the one hand, it was great - a new job I love, great bosses, interesting work. Adonai, (my Lord) really blessed me by opening that door. I find myself going in early, staying late and liking it! It is challenging, and for the analytical side of my brain, it's like steroids!
And then ... there was the rest of the month.
Our landlord - the owner of the house whose dungeon we rented - decided to give the house back to the bank, and was going to give us just two weeks to get out. However, his email informing us of the sudden change said 30 days and I held him to it.
But that didn't stop me from being angry about it, and angry I was. It was as if all the demons that I had fought so hard to get out of my life over the last several years suddenly came back, bigger and worse than before. It was overwhelming, and to be honest, sometimes still is.
Rentals in this area are difficult to find, especially one that would allow pets, and wouldn't cost more than we were prepared to pay to move in. My stress level topped the charts and then some. I couldn't sleep, and when I did ... nightmares.
My husband began having chest pains - anxiety - and about the same time we found out he would need surgery to repair two hernia tears.
I knew the anger I was feeling was eating me alive, and I kept praying that Adonai would once again help me to let it go. It wasn't who I was anymore. It wasn't who I wanted to be again. I'd had "enough."
The lessons we learn during difficult times often push us to our knees in humble repentance. My "aha" moment about it all came while I was driving and "discussing" my feelings with Adonai. I got a spiritual smack in the back of the head!
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~ Jeremiah 29:11-13
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ~ Romans 8:28
Wow. Talk about a humbling moment. I realized that by holding onto my anger at our former landlord, I was actually being angry with God. Who was I to question His plans for me? Or that perhaps all of this, the move from the dungeon (which to be honest was an answer to prayers, just not how I expected them to be answered), wasn't something that was in His plans all along?
Finding joy in life sometimes means recognizing when enough is enough. When holding onto negative feelings isn't in His plan for us, and that letting go of anger, hate, and hurt is how we can have more than enough joy, happiness, and love in our lives. More than enough of the good things. Isn't that what we really want? Isn't that what He really wants for us?