Wednesday, May 9, 2012

What do I wish for my home?

Ocean of Emotion
     There is a phrase I was told frequently by someone I wish I could forget.  It was said in a sarcastic tone whenever I tried to describe something.

"It is exactly the same; but completely different."

     I also thought it was karma that the photo I found on WeHeartIt was titled "Ocean of Emotion."  That is exactly where I feel like I am drowning today.

     These four walls that I once called home... they are exactly the same.  But completely different.  I believe that some of it is because I am completely different and no longer exactly the same.  I'm here now.  But want nothing more than to be anywhere but here.  I think that there was more of me lost in Texas than what I could ever hope to find in Florida.  There was just too much of me lost.

     I don't know what to do either.  It seems as though since my arrival, nothing has gone right.  Yesterday I lost my ATM card and so now... while I have some money in the bank, I have no money.  No one will take out of state checks without a hold on them.  The month and a half that the Three Stooges were here alone... without any female supervision... they've turned this place into such a boys only club where not only do I feel out of place... I feel unwelcome.  The place that was supposed to bring me serenity and healing... isn't.

     I keep trying to rationalize that I'm still exhausted from the trip (which is a true statement) and shocked by how completely different I feel about this place.

     What do I wish for my home?  That I had one again...


  1. Ahh yes, I am sharing your wish right now. As you wish for yourself, I wish for you as well.

  2. I hope you will find your home soon!
    As you wish for yourself, so I also wish for you.

  3. Big hugs dearest!! As you wish for yourself, so I wish for you also.

  4. I hope you find a home for you soon. As you wish for yourself, I also wish for you.

  5. Ah, change. Much anticipated sometimes, sucking at others. While trying to find an appropriately officious sounding quote, I came across a few that would hopefully at least bring a small smile to your face:

    “Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it”

    “Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.”

    However, listen to Maya, who is certainly not officious sounding: “We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.” Take back your home, reduce the stooges to one, get the bank to give you a new card NOW!! (what do we pay those blasted fees for?), and above all, hug your dogs.

    1. I've reduced the Stooges by one, and it is possible that Thing 2 will also soon be on his way. Dogs are hugged. Bank is sending card. Deep breathing. Lots of sleeping.

    2. Sleeping = reenergizing = strength. Prayers your way....

  6. Home is where the heart is... I think perhaps you're not settled in the heart, is what's happening. Make that place your home again. Thrive on what you missed, let yourself enjoy it. The aggravating things will get straightened out, don't let that drag you down. You're HOME!....

  7. Hang in there. As you wish for yourself, I wish for you as well.

  8. Eloquent description. I wish for you to have your home again,

  9. Oh Cindy, I am so sorry. Be kind to yourself. Cyber hugs are flying through the blogosphere to you now.