Saturday, July 19, 2014

things are looking up ...

all of the words have escaped
for the past four years, this blog has been my
and now the time has come for a new adventure
to let go of the past
to step out in faith
to hope
join me on my new journey

Now that you've cleaned up your lives by following the truth, love one another as if your lives depended on it. Your new life is not like your old life. Your old birth came from mortal sperm; your new birth comes from God’s living Word. Just think: a life conceived by God himself! That’s why the prophet said, The old life is a grass life, its beauty as short-lived as wildflowers; 
Grass dries up, flowers droop, God’s Word goes on and on forever. 
This is the Word that conceived the new life in you.
~ 1 Peter 1:22-25 ~
The Message translation

Tuesday, July 15, 2014


...the hardest part about packing for a
new future
is that you have to revisit the past.

I'm glad I'm bringing my fire pit.
There will be some cold nights to set fire to some old memories.
Closure awaits among the flames...
Image Source:

Friday, July 11, 2014

feeding our senses ...

Trooper and I walk at the beach each morning
this week he has been learning to swim in deeper water
while the tide has been high

As we wade, I watch the hermit crabs scurry to get out of the way
then suddenly stop
nope, nothing to see here just a shell I'm only a shell an empty shell an ugly shell not even worth picking up and taking home because I smell really bad too so just keep wading in the water and ignore me

Trooper, off leash, wades deeper and deeper until he is swimming
he looks to me in a panic and I reassure him that he is okay and a good boy
he swims circles going from deep water where his feet are off the bottom
to shallower water where he can touch again
gaining confidence

I reach into the water and pick up a shell, throwing it into the water beyond Trooper
wheeeeeeeeee I'm flying!
encouraging him to swim deeper still and know that he is in control

The sun is hot on my back and shoulders
and the water is cool on my feet and legs

I watch fish swimming around me
thin and pencil like fish
puffer fish
fish with bright yellow noses
a blue crab breaks cover from under the sand and swims away
waving a threatening claw at me
hey silly giant watch where you are walking!

pelicans fly in single file
pterodactyls from an earlier time
a white heron wades in shallow water along the shore
stretching his long neck to snatch an unsuspecting fish out of the water
throwing his head back, the fish slips down his throat
breakfast sushi

Friday, July 4, 2014

5 minutes ... exhale



breathe in


breathe in

between the questions of "what ifs" and "what nexts" and "what nows" i remind myself to breathe.  they say a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and it is that step i am taking now.  although truth be told, i have been taking that first step since the day i was born.  i cannot count how many thousands of miles have i walked in these 52 years that have started with questions...

what if i say yes?
what if i say no?
where do i go next?
what do i do next?
what do i do now?
where do i go now?

but The One who counts my steps ... The One who answers my questions ... He has always known the answers because He has been the one to create the journey.  there is only one answer for the questions and only one step to take ... faith.


And in the same way—by our faith—the Holy Spirit helps us with our daily problems and in our praying. For we don’t even know what we should pray for nor how to pray as we should, but the Holy Spirit prays for us with such feeling that it cannot be expressed in words.
~ Romans 8:26 ~
Living Bible translation
Lisa-Jo Baker ~ Surprised by Motherhood

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

senses overload....

The F-22s are training this morning so for the last three hours they have made me duck (inside my house and on my serenity deck) as they fly low and close to practice their touch-and-go landings.

The neighbor behind me has been mowing his dirt and weeds for the past thirty minutes and each time I hear the blades kick up a rock I flinch.

The temperature has been in the 90s the past few days and the humidity in the 100s. The slick sweat that coats my skin doesn't seem to dry at all.  The ice on in my tea melts before I have a chance to enjoy it.

Silence awaits me, broken only by the sounds of nature. Cooler days and nights.

I'm looking forward to the change.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

sounds ...

i was writing in my prayer journal this morning
on my serenity deck and listening to the sounds around me

a cardinal singing quite loudly but hidden in the trees
answered by one farther away
a frog croaking here and there
as if to interrupt their song

the wind is gusting and a light rain occasionally spits onto the aluminum roof
thunderstorms off shore are moving in
and my normally silent wind chimes and my father's bell
announce their arrival

suddenly the peaceful sounds of nature are shattered
by the sounds of an F-22 taking off from the base just across the bay
(whomever decided to call those things "stealthy" has never lived at the end of the runway)

i watched as it arced up in the sky, turning to go over the Gulf of Mexico
and realized that there will soon come a day when i won't hear those sounds

when the peaceful night is graced by the howling of a wolf
or the songs of the coyote
when the eagle's cry will be louder than the cardinal
and the call of the elk will echo across fields of snow

when the brightest lights will not be from an air force base or a (stinkin') paper mill
but from the stars in the sky and the glow of the moon

when the scents that travel on the wind will not be of chemicals and saltwater,
but will be of wildflowers
fresh cut pine

i better start packing
i'm in a hurry to get there

Sunday, June 8, 2014

feeding my senses ...

this past week ...

i took trooper for a walk on the beach ~ he saw a kite for the first time
(a little boy was flying a large white kite)
i told trooper it was a UFO
he believed me
Image Source:
those frogs i talked about wanting [here]
have found their way to my house
and in the evenings i sit on the deck
(my serenity deck)
and listen to them sing

i colored a good memory
grandpa d lived with us for about three years
(in one of my pwp lives)
he was born the same year the titanic went down and loved to remind us of that
he grew up during the depression in san francisco california
and worked for western union delivering telegrams
he never learned to drive and rode a bicycle his whole life or walked
he loved to tell stories of those days
stockbrokers getting a telegram about the great crash and jumping from buildings
union workers on the boat docks fighting
his first Christmas tree ever was with us, when he was in his late 80's
cordless phones amazed him and he never did get used to walking and talking on one
he would carry the phone in his hand after telling his sister to hold on
then start talking to her again in his bedroom
(i would have to laugh and remind him every.single.time)
he loved to doodle his days away and all he ever wanted was paper and sharpie pens
he was a good man and is loved and missed

Tuesday, June 3, 2014


I'm working a new shift which has disrupted our routine.
"Someone" now only gets one long run before I have to go to work,
and a leashed walk when I get home.

He's not happy about that.

When I got home last night, he would not take care of "business" while leashed.
After 30 minutes of discussing the penalties of disobedience if he didn't come when I called him,
I unleashed him.

"Someone" is now grounded for life.

I had to get the car out of the garage and bribe him with a ride
to get him to come to me after an hour of his "fun and games."

We sat in the garage after a ride around the parking lot
and had a discussion about his unacceptable behavior.

I didn't raise my voice or show any anger.
But he knew I was disappointed in him and refused to look at me.
He leaned back against the seat, head down and eyes looking away.
This is what Trooper's pout looks like,
except that he won't look at you when he does it.
It was hard to keep from smiling at his remorse.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

feeding my senses ...

i helped a turtle cross the road
(and laughed a a lame joke ~ "Why does the turtle cross the road?")

i ran in the rain

i stood in the shade of a tall oak tree and let the breeze off the bay refresh me on a hot day

i found a coconut floating in the water and imagined that it traveled from Hawaii
(although it probably just fell from someones tree farther up in the bay)

i snuggled month old kittens and felt one nibble my chin

i sang (loudly and off key) in my car

i stood in awe at the night sky
Image Source:

Friday, May 30, 2014

5 minutes... nothing

Nothing fills my mind lately with fear or anger. I have jettisoned those negative emotions by filling the space in between with positive thoughts and scriptures. Filled until they overflowed and washed away the hurt and pain. Filled until they overflowed and washed away the fear and anger.

Nothing has become everything to me now. Time spent focusing on my serenity. Tai Chi. Yoga. Meditation to the sound of wind in the trees and water bubbling in a fountain with the occasional cardinal song or croaking frog. Journaling the old fashioned way with pen and paper. Reading pages that turn and feel crisp in my fingers rather than scrolling down with my thumb. Weekends away from social media and television and spent in bare feet at the beach with my dog.

Sometimes there is no better healer than time spent doing nothing.


Joining with Lisa-Jo Baker this morning for Five Minute Friday.
Five Minute Friday

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

feeding my senses ...

heron feeding at dusk
looking almost like the Loch Ness monster

a cardinal fledgling getting flying lessons
by a very patient father

frogs loudly conversing
at 4a.m.



Saturday, May 17, 2014

dusk ...

to the east, the sky was
ombré shades of violets and blues
in the west, shades of peach and orange showed where the sun just dipped below the horizon

as I walked, I could see them flying in the distance over the field
one ... three ... six ... a dozen or more
small brown bats

they dipped, zipped, and fluttered near my head
their leathery wings making a soft sound when they came close
but otherwise silent hunters in the dusk

there were more than I had seen last summer
which is a good thing
the rains and floods recently have increased our mosquito and bug problems
more bats mean they've had a good diet lately

I focused on one, following its flight
spinning as it chased unseen bugs in the air
smiling at the aerobatics of this small hunter

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

morning fishermen ...

a little difficult to see because of the distance
but two ospreys were perched on the mast
watching for mullet
[the fish, not the haircut]

Sunday, May 4, 2014

feeding my senses ...

this past week ...

i listened to rain on an aluminum roof, waking to the sound of thunder ... and to the cheery song of a male cardinal outside my deck when the storms had cleared

i picked a handful of wild blackberries, enjoying their tart taste on a sunny afternoon ... and freshly made cheesecake followed by homemade spaghetti with meatballs [life is short, dessert comes first]

i watched with awe as five dolphins playfully followed a shrimp boat in the bay

i felt loved when a house plant garden bowl, glass bluebird [of happiness] and a devotional book arrived early for my birthday ... and also a gift that allowed me to finally get a new coffee maker [mmmmmmm] after months without one

i smelled the crisp electricity in the air during a lightning storm ... and spring flowers in bloom when the clouds stopped covering the sun

i relaxed in the quiet times and dreamed of a future home

Sunday, April 27, 2014

fireflies ...

flickering along the shore
i hear children laughing and
running in
excitement as they chase
fireflies by the
light of the moon
i wish i was
eleven or
seven again

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

frogs ...

Lately I've had a hard time writing.
It has frustrated me a great deal.
I feel like I've lost something important.

I think it is because my writing tends to be a way to express my emotions.

I'm not sure which is more frustrating.
Not feeling emotions right now, or not being able to write.

I stopped on the way home from work to watch some egrets in flight over a nearby lake.
The sound of the frogs in the reeds was an unexpected bonus.

One day ...

I will have a house on a lake, where I can sit at night and listen to the frogs while counting fireflies and shooting stars as I sip tea and relax in my hammock chair.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

words ...

words run circles around in my head
waking me up and out of bed

memories run circles around in my mind
waking me up, my heart in a bind

hurt runs circles around in my heart
waking me up, an unpleasant start

i climb back in bed
the words out of my head

it is sleep i will find
memories gone from my mind

tomorrow will be a new start
for the healing of my heart

Friday, April 18, 2014

5 minutes: glue ...

What holds you together?
i felt like i had become unglued
pieces of my life falling apart
faster than i could hold it together

then i found the glue that would
seal the broken edges
the pieces that had become raw

His promise
His word
His truth

His hand
"Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand."
~ Psalm 73:23 NIV ~

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

hope ...

Pour a cup of hope today ...
In her blog post today, Holley Gerth talks about finding hope in unexpected places.

Her words reached out to me and gave me hope.  Especially when she talks about facing what we never wanted to face and then not only does our faith survive and thrive ... but we do too.

I'm there.  Facing things I never thought I would face.  Never wanted to face.  But I have stood firm, stood tall, and have stood the test.  I have held fast to my faith, my values, and my beliefs.  I have not been swayed in the darkness, by the darkness, and instead have clung to the light of hope.

You can too.

We are glad for our troubles also. 
We know that troubles help us learn not to give up. 
When we have learned not to give up, it shows we have stood the test. 
When we have stood the test, it gives us hope.
~ Romans 5:3-4 NLV ~

Friday, April 11, 2014

5 minutes: paint ...

join us...
he wanted to paint me a picture of what it was like to be him
he said i didn't understand what it was like
and he was right

i wanted to paint him a picture of what it was like to be me
i told him he didn't understand what it was like
and i was right

and now i paint a picture of a future without him
a choice that was his
and now is mine

i look at the colors of the rainbow
and wonder which one to choose
to paint the bright promises
that await me.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Wednesday coffee ...

Join us for a cup...

A big word sometimes when you are feeling very small.
Or very scared.


It isn't always in the brave act.  Sometimes it is in the things that we fear the most, but we know are the right things to do.  It is choosing to walk a narrow path ... and not the wide road that someone else chooses.  It is saying no ... when someone wants you to say yes.  It is making a hard decision ... one that rips your heart out and makes you feel as if you have thrown yourself on a grenade ... and then standing up and standing strong in the decision no matter how much it hurts.


It is sometimes loving yourself more ... and slowing learning to stop loving someone who has hurt and betrayed you.  It is letting go ... and holding on to the hand of God as He leads you beside the still waters and restores your soul.

"The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. 
He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. 
He renews my strength. 
He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. 
Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. 
Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. 
You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. 
You honor me by anointing my head with oil. 
My cup overflows with blessings. 
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, 
and I will live in the house of the Lord forever." 
~ Psalm 23:1-6 NLT ~

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Sunday ...

I was gone for a while.

Things in my life were too insane painful difficult complicated to even think about, let alone write about.

So I'm coming back ... perhaps with a vengeance ... and sharing some sunsets taken the last week of March as a metaphor for the sun going down on this time in my life.  I hope you enjoy them as much as I did in that brief moment of time when I was seeing them.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Blessed Beyond Measure

I am...
Blessed beyond measure
Laughter and light
Everything I was intended to be
Daughter of GOD

Empathetic but not an idiot
Young enough to know better
Old enough to get away with it
Naturally creative
Dancer in the rain

Made to survive
Evolving into my own
Amazon warrior
Someone to be respected
Entirely self-sufficient

~ Cindi

Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

Luck of the Irish ...

We are wearing our green today...
Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

Saturday, March 15, 2014

Friday, March 14, 2014

5 minutes: crowd


words crowd the tiny screen of my cell phone as i push them up and down to see what has escaped. i blog in defiance of what is happening in my life right now because this is "my crowd" where i feel welcoming hugs and comforting words.

thoughts crowd my mind, keeping me awake at night. worries, fears, hurts, and negativity. i push them out. refusing to belong to that crowd, and reach for His words. His "crowd."

i let myself escape into the safety and comfort of Him.


~ Cindi

Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

blue ...

Image Source:
i saw a bluebird this morning when i got to work
i watched it for so long, i was almost late logging into my computer

i don't remember ever seeing a bluebird here before
and i've lived here for a very long time

i've seen robins and orioles and kingfishers and eagles
i've seen hawks and mockingbirds and cardinals and blue jays

but i don't think i have ever seen a bluebird

it appeared on a "blue" day for me
so perhaps it was a sign
they say bluebirds bring happiness
so maybe there is some on the way for me
i hope

i've been struggling to wrap my mind around everything that has happened in the past two weeks
it is so hard to even comprehend that it has only been two weeks

of course
things were apparently happening long before that
ignorance truly was bliss

i feel as if i have woken up on some foreign planet
or in a parallel universe where there are no such things
as happily ever afters

the more i learn about the man i married
the less i know about my life as it was

it was a beautiful bluebird i saw this morning
and i hope i see it again tomorrow

morning coffee ...

Join us for a cup...
Good Morning,

I don't know what you've been facing lately, but I know that it is the encouraging words that I have been reading and hearing the past week that have kept my heart from sinking when things have begun to turn upside down in my life.  

Words have come from unexpected sources that confirm that this path that God has put me on is exactly where I'm supposed to be right now.

Scriptures.  Casual comments in emails.  Quotes read in magazines.  A status on facebook.  A pin on Pinterest.  A blog post that reaches out to my heart and just says ... yes, you are right where God wants you to be.  Even when things have been the most painful, when the truth that He is revealing to me cuts me to the core ... I know that He is still with me and that there is a plan for all of this.

I may not see the road ahead of me just yet because I am still blinded by the trees, but I know that with His master GPS ... the road is being made clear, the path will be known, and the destination will be glorious.

The other truth and encouragement that has carried me along this road has been the knowledge that I am not alone.  Not just that God will never leave me or forsake me, but the truth that there are others ... like you ... who have walked this path before me and survived.  There will be those who follow in my steps also one day and realize that they too will survive.  Whatever the road, whatever the journey ... we are not alone in our walk and whether we reach out to hold someone's hand along the way, or we trudge along on our own ... we are not alone.

Take my hand ....

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

rain ....

rain ... tap tapping on the skylight
soothing my mind as i review
forms that will end my marriage

rain ... falling like tears
blink blink blink
wipe the tears away

rain ... showering me clean
cleansing my heart
refreshing my spirit

rain ... watering the seeds of hope
new growth and fresh starts
washing away the past

rain ... tap tapping on the skylight
soothing my mind as i drift to sleep
curled between the dog and cat

Monday, March 10, 2014

taking steps ...

things still seem so surreal
as if this is some
kind of drawn out,
insane and twisted
nightmare.  i try to
grasp at reality and it

slips between my fingers.
truth does that sometimes.
eventually this will all be
past, and i will 
sleep soundly once again.

Saturday, March 8, 2014

this is what I believe ...

... when your life is about to change ... when God is about to bless you abundantly ...

You need to hold on tight because Satan is going to throw everything he has at you.

You will find out things that will shatter everything you once thought was true in your life.
You will feel the blood drain from your upper body
and be left speechless.
You will be rocked, knocked down, 
and left wondering how you couldn't have seen it before then.

But the truth is that Satan didn't want you to see it because that wasn't part of his plan.
He wanted you to be in the dark
so that he could continue to destroy everything you once thought was real.

God reveals the truth.
Not to hurt you,
but to save you.
Because if you had continued to live blind
to what was going on...
you could never see what was about to come into your life.

God has some amazing things just around the corner.
A life so bright ... I'm gonna need shades.

This is what I believe.

Friday, March 7, 2014

5 minutes: willing ...


she was willing to love him
she was willing to help him
she was willing to share her life with him


she wasn't willing to lose herself
she wasn't willing to take part in the things that destroyed them
Image Source:
she wasn't willing to continue to enable him


she was willing to love him
she was willing to pray for him
she was willing to let him go


He was willing to take the cross for them
He was willing to die for them
He was willing to love them
He was willing to forgive them

Join us...
“In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can’t get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God’s part."
~ Matthew 6:14-15 MSG ~

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

what if ...

... you were kind to yourself today?  A powerful message by Lisa-Jo Baker, and one that I needed first thing this morning.

What if ... love was all it took to heal people?  Cure them?  Free them?  Help them?  What if we tried anyway?  What would it hurt?  Even if from a distance ... isn't it better to just love?

"There are three things that remain—faith, hope, and love—
and the greatest of these
is love."
~ 1 Corinthians 13:13 TLB ~

small things ...

Join us for a cup?
Hello Sunshine,

It has been a trying week, hasn't it?  I know I've struggled.  Layoffs at work ... dead car battery in a week when the paycheck needed to stretch farther than it did ... anxiety ... frustration ... choices ... decisions ... heartbreak.  Aching heartbreak and loss.

But it is the small things that make the biggest difference in our days.  Friends who come through to help when you call.  Amazing sunrises.  Astounding sunsets.  Spring flowers rebelling against the latest cold snap.  Warm snuggles under the covers with my cat.  The comfort of my dog leaning up against my legs.  The words that tell us of truth ... and of love.

"Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord;
may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me."
~ Psalm 40:11-12 NIV ~

"Love and Truth meet in the street,
Right Living and Whole Living embrace and kiss!
Truth sprouts green from the ground,
Right Living pours down from the skies!
Oh yes! God gives Goodness and Beauty;
our land responds with Bounty and Blessing.
Right Living strides out before him,
and clears a path for his passage."
~ Psalm 85:10-13 MSG ~

"Guilt is banished through love and truth;
Fear-of-God deflects evil.
When God approves of your life,
even your enemies will end up shaking your hand."
~ Proverbs 16:6-7 MSG ~

"Companions as we are in this work with you, we beg you, 
please don’t squander one bit of this marvelous life God has given us. God reminds us,
'I heard your call in the nick of time;
The day you needed me, I was there to help.'
Well, now is the right time to listen, the day to be helped. Don’t put it off; don’t frustrate God’s work by showing up late, throwing a question mark over everything we’re doing. Our work as God’s servants gets validated—or not—in the details. People are watching us as we stay at our post, alertly, unswervingly . . . in hard times, tough times, bad times; when we’re beaten up, jailed, and mobbed; working hard, working late, working without eating; with pure heart, clear head, steady hand; in gentleness, holiness, and honest love; when we’re telling the truth, and when God’s showing his power; when we’re doing our best setting things right; when we’re praised, and when we’re blamed; slandered, and honored; true to our word, though distrusted; ignored by the world, but recognized by God; terrifically alive, though rumored to be dead; beaten within an inch of our lives, but refusing to die; immersed in tears, yet always filled with deep joy; living on handouts, yet enriching many; having nothing, having it all."
~ 2 Corinthians 6:1-10 MSG ~