Words for Wednesday is a moveable feast of participants. Each month the prompts ~ words, pictures, themes, or even phrases are provided by someone new. The aim of the words is to encourage us to write. A story, a poem, whatever comes to mind. This month the words will be provided by River on her Drifting Through Life blog. [and full disclosure ~ I DO NOT have a microphone hidden in my Mom's car. But she does give her version of Uber rides to her senior friends and considering she is going to be 79 this year with a less than stellar cognitive history after her CO2 scare last year, these are things I would imagine myself saying if she were to drive me even 5 feet down the road]
Things heard on a hidden microphone in my Mom's car while she was Uber driving recently:
"Eyes on the road! Eyes on the road!"
"What? I am!"
"No, I mean there are literal eyes on the road!"
Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop.
Groan. Gag. Groan.
"Oh, nothing. Just a little thing."
Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop.
"You don't mind if I put my new Tiffany lamp in the trunk do you? The box is rather large and there won't be much room for me in the back seat if I don't."
"Hmmm. Did you say it was a Tiffany?"
"Put it in the backseat. There is room for you in the trunk."
Bump. Thud. Groan.
"Me? Why me? Why couldn't I have just said it was a cheap Walmart lamp?"
"Have you ever seen the movie Boogie Nights?"
"Why? Are you a fan of Burt Reynolds?"
"No, I was just wondering if Mark Wahlberg used a body double in the final scene."
Groan. Scribble. Scribble. Scribble.
"Were you making yourself a note to watch it?"
"No, I was making a note to never watch it, and if I accidentally do, to never discuss it with my mother."
"Um, did you know there was a teapot full of hot tea in the backseat floorboard?"
"Yes. Is there a problem?"
"Uh, no. I just wasn't sure if you knew. I didn't want it to spill or anything."
"Well, since you wanted a ride during my normal teatime, I thought I would just save time and bring it with me. Could you pour me a cup with a splash of milk, please, and hand me a buttered crumpet?"
"Um, while you are driving? Don't you need both hands on the wheel?"
"Oh. Perhaps we should just switch places until my teatime is over?"
"If giving me a ride to the emergency room to reattach my severed finger was an inconvenience, mother, I could have called an ambulance."
"Nonsense. That's what I'm here for. I'm your mother. It can't possibly hurt more than it hurt when I was giving birth to you. I was in labor for 56 hours, you know."
"I do believe that every time you tell me that, you add more hours to how long you were in labor."
"Don't be silly. You think I don't know what 64 hours of labor felt like?"